The waitress is a whimsical center of male fantasies – a kind of modern, marginalized, apron-clad goddess of the past couple centuries. Whether she’s the blonde, doe-eyed, Southern-accented sort or the sleek-figured, heavily eye-shadowed silhouette characterized by an ambitious acting career, waitresses seem to embody the best of young(ish) women at work. Unfortunately, a lot of them […]
The post How To Get A Waitress Go With You appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6485) "The waitress is a whimsical center of male fantasies – a kind of modern, marginalized, apron-clad goddess of the past couple centuries. Whether she’s the blonde, doe-eyed, Southern-accented sort or the sleek-figured, heavily eye-shadowed silhouette characterized by an ambitious acting career, waitresses seem to embody the best of young(ish) women at work. Unfortunately, a lot of them also seem too preoccupied with their tip jars, vats of coffee and regular customers to spare a moment of flirtation beyond fluttering their lashes as they pass you the bill. How does one lure such a strangely intriguing creature from the corner cafe back to the bedroom? Like everything else that seems impossible and, in actuality, is secretly easy, it’s only a small matter of mind games, great timing and flattering the tip jar.
NOTE: You must identify the caliber of your waitress’ work habits and/or style. Silly as it seems, this is essential to preparing yourself to pounce on her, as various waitresses require various methods of amusement. Second, when entering your waitress’ restaurant, wait a few minutes and stall (i.e. making a pretend phone call, finishing up the front page of the newspaper) as you casually observe what tables your waitress is tending. When you’ve made a good enough guess at her specific section, ask nonchalantly to be seated therein.
The New Girl
If your wanted woman fumbles, nervously glances around, forgets a few drinks and fidgets in the presence of her manager, she’s new (i.e. you have nothing to worry about). New waitresses are thrown into a wildly unorganized world of pain and, therefore, are terribly vulnerable. The best way to win over your new waitress is by offering some comfort in a time when everyone is consumed with condemning her abilities and she herself can’t stop worrying about when or how she will be fired. When she wades over to your table, say “Thank You” always. When she takes you order, smile and say “And please don’t rush, I can see how busy you are by yourself over here.”
Continue to make casual, reassuring comments throughout your meal and soon she’ll be eager to visit, if only to hear what comfort you have to offer next. When at last the bill rolls around, you should say: “You know, I hope I’m not being presumptuous here, but I’d love to sit down to dinner with you sometime soon where someone else is waiting on you.” Waitresses work hard and like very much the idea of restaurants where they don’t work. If you’re too nervous to disrupt her in the middle of her anxious discourse, leave a note with your tips that communicates a similar sentiment (and, of course, your phone number). Remember, new waitresses are most often young, non-locals looking for companionship (meaning – it couldn’t take more than one or two dinners to offer her your company…in bed).
The Sassy Sort
Some waitresses, quite oppositely, are thoughtlessly sure of themselves. If you notice your waitress never misses a mark, constantly manages to run around without appearing disheveled and dazed and memorizes your order without notepad and pen, she’s seasoned. Moreover, if you observe her briskness to be matched by a brushing off of any flirtation or flattery from any customer, she’s sassy. Sassy waitresses are somewhat common and slightly more difficult to sleep with, as they are consistently prepared for piles of flirtatious men. What they’re not prepared for is men who can seemingly read their minds (or at least create the illusion of such). This means flattering her in a creative way. Instead of smiling and asking for frequent refills and ogling her uniform, admire her.
When she next comes to your table, toss out a nonchalant comment in the vain of: “I’m sorry if this sounds bizarre, but you’re an incredibly skilled waitress. I’ve never seen everything go so smoothly. I only say this because it’s super busy and I try to imagine what a mess I’d be.” Here, she’ll probably roll her eyes. Then say something like: “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I’m sure you’re used to a lot of guys hitting on you. That’s not what I meant. Though, I can see why…” Don’t say anything more – Sassy waitresses appreciate the sultrier, more silent, hard-to-get-type men, so just turn back to your paper or blackberry and pretend she’s already left you. This then means leaving a little note with a big tip, reading: “Okay, so maybe I was hitting on you…while simultaneously being impressed. Still, you should call me.” Women of this type will find such frankness quite adorable and intriguing. After all, they’re used to scoundrels slobbering over them instead of sly lads like yourself.
In Case Of Ignored Motes/Advances
If a note or offer is ignored by a waitress, don’t feel discouraged and determine never to return to the restaurant. On the contrary, make an effort to go back. She’s probably just suspicious of strangers and random notes. If she sees you again and you shamelessly smile, politely nod and request a table in her section, she’ll begin to think you’re a well-intentioned gentleman who simply happens to find her attractive. If you’re the confident sort, who feels he has nothing to lose, say to her “Hello, again,” when she approaches your table. If she doesn’t remember you, remind her, “Oh, I’m just the guy who asked you out and who you probably thought was a creep. Sorry ‘bout that.” Your casualness will make her feel comfortable in letting up a little. If she does remember you, she’ll feel as relaxed as you do. (Translation: be very relaxed). You may actually have more of a chance the second time around, so don’t back down. (NOTE: Another thing not to do: Ask her “When does your shift end, sweetie?” It’s a line she’s heard a thousand times and, moreover, a real lame one).
The post How To Get A Waitress Go With You appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(82) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/16/how-to-get-a-waitress-go-home-with-you/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(661) "The waitress is a whimsical center of male fantasies – a kind of modern, marginalized, apron-clad goddess of the past couple centuries. Whether she’s the blonde, doe-eyed, Southern-accented sort or the sleek-figured, heavily eye-shadowed silhouette characterized by an ambitious acting career, waitresses seem to embody the best of young(ish) women at work. Unfortunately, a lot of them […]
The post How To Get A Waitress Go With You appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["atom_content"]=> string(6485) "The waitress is a whimsical center of male fantasies – a kind of modern, marginalized, apron-clad goddess of the past couple centuries. Whether she’s the blonde, doe-eyed, Southern-accented sort or the sleek-figured, heavily eye-shadowed silhouette characterized by an ambitious acting career, waitresses seem to embody the best of young(ish) women at work. Unfortunately, a lot of them also seem too preoccupied with their tip jars, vats of coffee and regular customers to spare a moment of flirtation beyond fluttering their lashes as they pass you the bill. How does one lure such a strangely intriguing creature from the corner cafe back to the bedroom? Like everything else that seems impossible and, in actuality, is secretly easy, it’s only a small matter of mind games, great timing and flattering the tip jar.
NOTE: You must identify the caliber of your waitress’ work habits and/or style. Silly as it seems, this is essential to preparing yourself to pounce on her, as various waitresses require various methods of amusement. Second, when entering your waitress’ restaurant, wait a few minutes and stall (i.e. making a pretend phone call, finishing up the front page of the newspaper) as you casually observe what tables your waitress is tending. When you’ve made a good enough guess at her specific section, ask nonchalantly to be seated therein.
The New Girl
If your wanted woman fumbles, nervously glances around, forgets a few drinks and fidgets in the presence of her manager, she’s new (i.e. you have nothing to worry about). New waitresses are thrown into a wildly unorganized world of pain and, therefore, are terribly vulnerable. The best way to win over your new waitress is by offering some comfort in a time when everyone is consumed with condemning her abilities and she herself can’t stop worrying about when or how she will be fired. When she wades over to your table, say “Thank You” always. When she takes you order, smile and say “And please don’t rush, I can see how busy you are by yourself over here.”
Continue to make casual, reassuring comments throughout your meal and soon she’ll be eager to visit, if only to hear what comfort you have to offer next. When at last the bill rolls around, you should say: “You know, I hope I’m not being presumptuous here, but I’d love to sit down to dinner with you sometime soon where someone else is waiting on you.” Waitresses work hard and like very much the idea of restaurants where they don’t work. If you’re too nervous to disrupt her in the middle of her anxious discourse, leave a note with your tips that communicates a similar sentiment (and, of course, your phone number). Remember, new waitresses are most often young, non-locals looking for companionship (meaning – it couldn’t take more than one or two dinners to offer her your company…in bed).
The Sassy Sort
Some waitresses, quite oppositely, are thoughtlessly sure of themselves. If you notice your waitress never misses a mark, constantly manages to run around without appearing disheveled and dazed and memorizes your order without notepad and pen, she’s seasoned. Moreover, if you observe her briskness to be matched by a brushing off of any flirtation or flattery from any customer, she’s sassy. Sassy waitresses are somewhat common and slightly more difficult to sleep with, as they are consistently prepared for piles of flirtatious men. What they’re not prepared for is men who can seemingly read their minds (or at least create the illusion of such). This means flattering her in a creative way. Instead of smiling and asking for frequent refills and ogling her uniform, admire her.
When she next comes to your table, toss out a nonchalant comment in the vain of: “I’m sorry if this sounds bizarre, but you’re an incredibly skilled waitress. I’ve never seen everything go so smoothly. I only say this because it’s super busy and I try to imagine what a mess I’d be.” Here, she’ll probably roll her eyes. Then say something like: “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I’m sure you’re used to a lot of guys hitting on you. That’s not what I meant. Though, I can see why…” Don’t say anything more – Sassy waitresses appreciate the sultrier, more silent, hard-to-get-type men, so just turn back to your paper or blackberry and pretend she’s already left you. This then means leaving a little note with a big tip, reading: “Okay, so maybe I was hitting on you…while simultaneously being impressed. Still, you should call me.” Women of this type will find such frankness quite adorable and intriguing. After all, they’re used to scoundrels slobbering over them instead of sly lads like yourself.
In Case Of Ignored Motes/Advances
If a note or offer is ignored by a waitress, don’t feel discouraged and determine never to return to the restaurant. On the contrary, make an effort to go back. She’s probably just suspicious of strangers and random notes. If she sees you again and you shamelessly smile, politely nod and request a table in her section, she’ll begin to think you’re a well-intentioned gentleman who simply happens to find her attractive. If you’re the confident sort, who feels he has nothing to lose, say to her “Hello, again,” when she approaches your table. If she doesn’t remember you, remind her, “Oh, I’m just the guy who asked you out and who you probably thought was a creep. Sorry ‘bout that.” Your casualness will make her feel comfortable in letting up a little. If she does remember you, she’ll feel as relaxed as you do. (Translation: be very relaxed). You may actually have more of a chance the second time around, so don’t back down. (NOTE: Another thing not to do: Ask her “When does your shift end, sweetie?” It’s a line she’s heard a thousand times and, moreover, a real lame one).
The post How To Get A Waitress Go With You appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1550312944) } [1]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(32) "Older Women Versus Younger Women" ["link"]=> string(71) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/15/older-women-versus-younger-women/" ["comments"]=> string(79) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/15/older-women-versus-younger-women/#respond" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Fri, 15 Feb 2019 17:19:32 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(70) "InterestingLove & Sexinterestinglifetipsolderrelationshipswomenyounger" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=1603" ["description"]=> string(609) "Friends, the world of dating is like a well-stocked candy store. Forrest Gump would be proud. There’s a vast array of delicious treats in every imaginable color, flavor and size, which, at first glance, can be at once scintillating and overwhelming. After you get through the initial excitement of entering a glorious world of pure imagination, […]
The post Older Women Versus Younger Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6172) "Friends, the world of dating is like a well-stocked candy store. Forrest Gump would be proud. There’s a vast array of delicious treats in every imaginable color, flavor and size, which, at first glance, can be at once scintillating and overwhelming. After you get through the initial excitement of entering a glorious world of pure imagination, though, you realize that there are certain things you’ll always gravitate to – saltwater taffy and nut clusters for some, gummy peaches and Milky Way Darks for others – leaving all the other candy to wonder what it did wrong because you bought it a few times and then abandoned it for sweeter pastures.
There’s no magic formula for the ideal age difference between partners (only you know what you like at the proverbial candy store), but besides physical, emotional and intellectual traits, age often plays a significant role in the success (or failure) of relationships. There are some reliable truths about what it’s like to date an older woman versus what you’ll experience with a younger one, and who better to bring you these truths than your friendly neighborhood truth-brokers? We wouldn’t presume to steer you away from the M&M wall towards the Jujubes, but we can give you the basics about each and let you decide for yourself what suits your sweet tooth.
The Older Woman
Let’s dispense with the clichés before we go any further. Older women are (often) more experienced in the boudoir, they (often) need less coddling than younger women because they’ve had some time to figure out their feelings and whatnot, and they (often) like to take a leadership role in the relationship, whether fiscally or otherwise. These are all good things for a certain type of gent, the type who is comfortable with a woman who rakes in more dough each month than he does and might not want children because she either already has them or long ago discovered that she’s just not the mothering type. However, if you like to call the shots in a relationship, or if you want someone to experience your ‘firsts’ with, then you might find it frustrating to date someone significantly older than you.
The thing to remember about clichés is that although they’re based in truth, they’re also often gross generalizations that aren’t true of even half of an entire population. If you’re all, ‘damn, I should TOTALLY be dating a cougar because she won’t force me to feel feelings,’ then slow your roll, son, and think twice before jumping into that antique bed. Yes, many (if not most) older women (…and we aren’t talking about two or three years here, more like 10 or 15) have abandoned the hormonal rollercoaster for more even-tempered pastures, and if they’re interested in a younger dude, then they probably aren’t looking to rush to the altar any time soon. Or ever. But there’s also the distinct possibility that an older woman has been looking for Mr. Right for a while, and that your youthful, shall we say, ‘vigor’ is just the thing she needs to be convinced that you’re The One. Because she’s older, she will most likely be more than ready to set the date and settle down, so unless you’re romancing a legit twice-divorced cougar who really only wants you as a bedbuddy, you should beware the suddenly-serious relationship that ends with you in a tux. Unless, of course, that’s what you want.
The Younger Woman
If you’re the type of dude who took a little longer than most to ‘grow up’ and ‘get his sh** together,’ then don’t apologize; just date a younger woman who will look up to you as a role model despite the fact that you’re still living in a tricked-out bachelor pad at the ripe ol’ age of 48. You’re happy with your life choices, so it makes sense to date someone who can be happy with them too. Younger women often have high energy and low expectations (for marriage and children, that is), making them ideal companions for anyone who wants to relive his youth or prolong the youth he’s been re-living for the past few decades. She might have three roommates and a part-time job, but if you’re looking for someone to dote lovingly and lavish gifts upon, then a younger woman might just be for you.
What you won’t get with a younger woman, for the most part, is life experience, and, depending on your age difference, the understanding of a shared history. This doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker – in fact, sometimes it’s a welcome respite from the stress of dealing with people your own age/bitterness level – but it can result in worldviews different enough to make a true partnership almost impossible.
When all is said and done, the right woman for you, no matter what her age, is the one who turns your wheels and makes you excited to face the world. (This post began with sugar; it seems only fitting to end it with some saccharine.) Keep in mind, though, that even though age is only a number, it’s also a pretty fair predictor of what you can and can’t expect from a potential mate.
The post Older Women Versus Younger Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(76) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/15/older-women-versus-younger-women/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(609) "Friends, the world of dating is like a well-stocked candy store. Forrest Gump would be proud. There’s a vast array of delicious treats in every imaginable color, flavor and size, which, at first glance, can be at once scintillating and overwhelming. After you get through the initial excitement of entering a glorious world of pure imagination, […]
The post Older Women Versus Younger Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["atom_content"]=> string(6172) "Friends, the world of dating is like a well-stocked candy store. Forrest Gump would be proud. There’s a vast array of delicious treats in every imaginable color, flavor and size, which, at first glance, can be at once scintillating and overwhelming. After you get through the initial excitement of entering a glorious world of pure imagination, though, you realize that there are certain things you’ll always gravitate to – saltwater taffy and nut clusters for some, gummy peaches and Milky Way Darks for others – leaving all the other candy to wonder what it did wrong because you bought it a few times and then abandoned it for sweeter pastures.
There’s no magic formula for the ideal age difference between partners (only you know what you like at the proverbial candy store), but besides physical, emotional and intellectual traits, age often plays a significant role in the success (or failure) of relationships. There are some reliable truths about what it’s like to date an older woman versus what you’ll experience with a younger one, and who better to bring you these truths than your friendly neighborhood truth-brokers? We wouldn’t presume to steer you away from the M&M wall towards the Jujubes, but we can give you the basics about each and let you decide for yourself what suits your sweet tooth.
The Older Woman
Let’s dispense with the clichés before we go any further. Older women are (often) more experienced in the boudoir, they (often) need less coddling than younger women because they’ve had some time to figure out their feelings and whatnot, and they (often) like to take a leadership role in the relationship, whether fiscally or otherwise. These are all good things for a certain type of gent, the type who is comfortable with a woman who rakes in more dough each month than he does and might not want children because she either already has them or long ago discovered that she’s just not the mothering type. However, if you like to call the shots in a relationship, or if you want someone to experience your ‘firsts’ with, then you might find it frustrating to date someone significantly older than you.
The thing to remember about clichés is that although they’re based in truth, they’re also often gross generalizations that aren’t true of even half of an entire population. If you’re all, ‘damn, I should TOTALLY be dating a cougar because she won’t force me to feel feelings,’ then slow your roll, son, and think twice before jumping into that antique bed. Yes, many (if not most) older women (…and we aren’t talking about two or three years here, more like 10 or 15) have abandoned the hormonal rollercoaster for more even-tempered pastures, and if they’re interested in a younger dude, then they probably aren’t looking to rush to the altar any time soon. Or ever. But there’s also the distinct possibility that an older woman has been looking for Mr. Right for a while, and that your youthful, shall we say, ‘vigor’ is just the thing she needs to be convinced that you’re The One. Because she’s older, she will most likely be more than ready to set the date and settle down, so unless you’re romancing a legit twice-divorced cougar who really only wants you as a bedbuddy, you should beware the suddenly-serious relationship that ends with you in a tux. Unless, of course, that’s what you want.
The Younger Woman
If you’re the type of dude who took a little longer than most to ‘grow up’ and ‘get his sh** together,’ then don’t apologize; just date a younger woman who will look up to you as a role model despite the fact that you’re still living in a tricked-out bachelor pad at the ripe ol’ age of 48. You’re happy with your life choices, so it makes sense to date someone who can be happy with them too. Younger women often have high energy and low expectations (for marriage and children, that is), making them ideal companions for anyone who wants to relive his youth or prolong the youth he’s been re-living for the past few decades. She might have three roommates and a part-time job, but if you’re looking for someone to dote lovingly and lavish gifts upon, then a younger woman might just be for you.
What you won’t get with a younger woman, for the most part, is life experience, and, depending on your age difference, the understanding of a shared history. This doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker – in fact, sometimes it’s a welcome respite from the stress of dealing with people your own age/bitterness level – but it can result in worldviews different enough to make a true partnership almost impossible.
When all is said and done, the right woman for you, no matter what her age, is the one who turns your wheels and makes you excited to face the world. (This post began with sugar; it seems only fitting to end it with some saccharine.) Keep in mind, though, that even though age is only a number, it’s also a pretty fair predictor of what you can and can’t expect from a potential mate.
The post Older Women Versus Younger Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1550251172) } [2]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(30) "A Guide to Your Future Divorce" ["link"]=> string(69) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/15/a-guide-to-your-future-divorce/" ["comments"]=> string(77) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/15/a-guide-to-your-future-divorce/#respond" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Fri, 15 Feb 2019 11:37:01 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(75) "Dating IssuesFriends And FamilyadvicebreakupsDivorceexpertguidehow toissues" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=1599" ["description"]=> string(599) "One of my friends who have made good livings over the years, I’m probably the most financially secure. I’ve invested well. But more importantly, I’ve never been married. Unlike so many of my peers, I’ve never been “halved” in a marital dissolution. But this doesn’t mean I don’t have experience with the topic. It seems that […]
The post A Guide to Your Future Divorce appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(9342) "One of my friends who have made good livings over the years, I’m probably the most financially secure. I’ve invested well. But more importantly, I’ve never been married. Unlike so many of my peers, I’ve never been “halved” in a marital dissolution. But this doesn’t mean I don’t have experience with the topic. It seems that now, in my forties, I’m witnessing as many of my buddies grinding through tough breakups as I watched strippers grind on those same guys during perfunctory lap dances at bachelor parties in our twenties and thirties. Most of these friends look to me for advice, and I do my best to offer it. But I’ve realized that I could be a better friend—and satisfy my own curiosity—if I sought out answers from an expert. So I recently sat down with a prominent divorce attorney who’s represented high-profile clients in the Los Angeles area for more than 40 years. Rick (not his real name) walked me through many lessons that can be learned from the drama and pain he encounters daily.
If a man is getting married, what should he be thinking about?
The first thing is how compatible their value systems are. The second thing is, what does he have to protect and would a premarital agreement work for them? In a premarital agreement, we can figure out the ‘what if’ and how it would work.
If you want to cap spousal support at a certain amount because your career has already been built up, you can do that. Let’s say you take a ball player who has a $10 million contract, and he got that contract because of his years of training and playing. That career has to be protected financially from the standpoint of earning power. Sponsorship income can be carved out, because that’s really for past services. If you have a career that precedes the marriage, you could be contributing your separate-property career to a community-property bank account, and that’s not something you necessarily want to do.
“There is no contract that has been rewritten by the courts more than premarital agreements.”
What if a guy has a small business, and his spouse doesn’t have anything?
The person would want to protect that asset. If there were a prenup, his interest in the business could remain separate, but the salary he takes out of the business can be community property. So, if the business is sold down-the-line, that doesn’t become community property, including the increased value of the business. You’ll have a valuation of assets that were acquired before marriage and it will be disclosed and there will be wording that protects separate property.
Can people get around a prenup during a divorce?
A judge can throw out a premarital agreement if it is “unfair” at the time of enforcement; or, if the disclosures were not correct; or, if it were instituted under duress; or, if one person lacked capacity when they entered the agreement. Let’s say the woman had six children at the time of enforcement, but the premarital agreement had a waiver of spousal support. I think a judge could throw out that waiver. There is no contract that has been rewritten by the courts more than premarital agreements.
This makes me wonder what I should do if I were going to live with someone, as I have in the past and could conceivably do again. Should I have something in writing with them?
I think that’s very important but many people can’t get themselves to propose that type of an agreement because they are saying to the person they want to live with, “Let’s live together to see how we get along,” without any promises.
“Anyone can sue for anything. There’s always someone out there who’s going to take the case. You’re really better off having an agreement.”
What could happen if I didn’t have a pre-cohabitation agreement, or whatever it’s called?
If she gets sick, you’re putting yourself in jeopardy because she’s not working; or if she lost her job and you’re taking care of her. Those are the kinds of things that can be very harmful, economically. She could have potential rights of a quasi-contractual relationship, based on promises and how you held yourself out to the public. If there were letters at Valentine’s Day or Christmas or birthdays, saying “I’ll always care for you and I will love you forever…” and you were providing her with important things like cars or anything that puts you together contractually; then chances are you would be approached to give her money to get reestablished. It’s a risk issue. Anyone can sue for anything. There’s always someone out there who is going to take her case. It’s the cost of a potential loss and the cost of legal fees. So you’re better off settling. You’re really better off having an agreement.”
If someone wants out of his marriage, what should he do?
He should see a divorce lawyer, right away. The first thing we would do is create a binder of all assets and liabilities and all income and the sources of the assets, whether they were separate or community; whether or not there was deferred income, so we would get an understanding of what child support would be and what spousal support would be. Child support is pretty easy, because there’s a computer program that tells you what a judge is going to be looking at. With no children, it’s usually easier, especially if it’s a longer-term marriage, say 12 years [shorter marriages usually pay support for a set amount of time; if it’s longer term, it can go on indefinitely].
If a man is leaving his wife for someone else, does that change anything?
It will change the anger level. It will not change the law. However, if he has given community property to that person, that community property can be clawed back.
Should a man tell his wife that he’s leaving her for someone else?
I would wait to determine whether or not it was necessary to tell her. But I wouldn’t lie to her if she said, “I know there was someone else in your life.” I would be very careful about how I would respond to those questions. He should keep things as calm as possible and not aggravate the situation.
“In my 38-year-marriage, I’ve learned what not to do.”
In addition to wanting to lessen the aggravation, a big concern for most entering a divorce process is limiting their legal bills. What advice could you give someone on how they can keep their costs down?
By being organized. They have to fill out a form of their expenses, and the lawyer needs to back it up. I have had people show up with a grocery bag full of receipts and expected me to figure it out. That just costs a lot of money to unravel. And secondly, by being in communication with your attorney and not being an absent client. It’s impossible to represent an empty chair.
Many of my friends have complained about their divorce attorneys. What are the signs that you aren’t being represented well?
How well your attorney listens to you is number one. I’ve seen lawyers take conference calls while with a client or multitask: Write emails, text, et cetera. It’s very obvious when they have their mind on other things instead of being there for a client. If the attorney is too busy to put the time into their case, then it is time to leave. And it is better to leave sooner than later. Also, many lawyers love to write self-serving inflammatory letters [to the other side]. They do it for control and to create situations that will generate more fees. There are people out there who are just nasty, and they think that’s how the game should be played.
What have you learned as a divorce attorney that you’ve brought into your 38-year marriage?
Well, I’ve learned what not to do. If you can get the point across that I’m not right, necessarily, and you’re not right, necessarily, then we can discuss things and get to the middle and try and work things out so it’s not a burr-under-the-saddle kind of situation. Some of the smallest things can be blown out of proportion and make things uncomfortable.
That is the best guidance Rick gave me. Maybe if more people could simply do a little more to not let marital problems explode, they wouldn’t have to go through all of this costly unpleasantness. Still, I think I’ll take a wide berth of it all and remain unmarried.
The post A Guide to Your Future Divorce appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(74) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/15/a-guide-to-your-future-divorce/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(599) "One of my friends who have made good livings over the years, I’m probably the most financially secure. I’ve invested well. But more importantly, I’ve never been married. Unlike so many of my peers, I’ve never been “halved” in a marital dissolution. But this doesn’t mean I don’t have experience with the topic. It seems that […]
The post A Guide to Your Future Divorce appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["atom_content"]=> string(9342) "One of my friends who have made good livings over the years, I’m probably the most financially secure. I’ve invested well. But more importantly, I’ve never been married. Unlike so many of my peers, I’ve never been “halved” in a marital dissolution. But this doesn’t mean I don’t have experience with the topic. It seems that now, in my forties, I’m witnessing as many of my buddies grinding through tough breakups as I watched strippers grind on those same guys during perfunctory lap dances at bachelor parties in our twenties and thirties. Most of these friends look to me for advice, and I do my best to offer it. But I’ve realized that I could be a better friend—and satisfy my own curiosity—if I sought out answers from an expert. So I recently sat down with a prominent divorce attorney who’s represented high-profile clients in the Los Angeles area for more than 40 years. Rick (not his real name) walked me through many lessons that can be learned from the drama and pain he encounters daily.
If a man is getting married, what should he be thinking about?
The first thing is how compatible their value systems are. The second thing is, what does he have to protect and would a premarital agreement work for them? In a premarital agreement, we can figure out the ‘what if’ and how it would work.
If you want to cap spousal support at a certain amount because your career has already been built up, you can do that. Let’s say you take a ball player who has a $10 million contract, and he got that contract because of his years of training and playing. That career has to be protected financially from the standpoint of earning power. Sponsorship income can be carved out, because that’s really for past services. If you have a career that precedes the marriage, you could be contributing your separate-property career to a community-property bank account, and that’s not something you necessarily want to do.
“There is no contract that has been rewritten by the courts more than premarital agreements.”
What if a guy has a small business, and his spouse doesn’t have anything?
The person would want to protect that asset. If there were a prenup, his interest in the business could remain separate, but the salary he takes out of the business can be community property. So, if the business is sold down-the-line, that doesn’t become community property, including the increased value of the business. You’ll have a valuation of assets that were acquired before marriage and it will be disclosed and there will be wording that protects separate property.
Can people get around a prenup during a divorce?
A judge can throw out a premarital agreement if it is “unfair” at the time of enforcement; or, if the disclosures were not correct; or, if it were instituted under duress; or, if one person lacked capacity when they entered the agreement. Let’s say the woman had six children at the time of enforcement, but the premarital agreement had a waiver of spousal support. I think a judge could throw out that waiver. There is no contract that has been rewritten by the courts more than premarital agreements.
This makes me wonder what I should do if I were going to live with someone, as I have in the past and could conceivably do again. Should I have something in writing with them?
I think that’s very important but many people can’t get themselves to propose that type of an agreement because they are saying to the person they want to live with, “Let’s live together to see how we get along,” without any promises.
“Anyone can sue for anything. There’s always someone out there who’s going to take the case. You’re really better off having an agreement.”
What could happen if I didn’t have a pre-cohabitation agreement, or whatever it’s called?
If she gets sick, you’re putting yourself in jeopardy because she’s not working; or if she lost her job and you’re taking care of her. Those are the kinds of things that can be very harmful, economically. She could have potential rights of a quasi-contractual relationship, based on promises and how you held yourself out to the public. If there were letters at Valentine’s Day or Christmas or birthdays, saying “I’ll always care for you and I will love you forever…” and you were providing her with important things like cars or anything that puts you together contractually; then chances are you would be approached to give her money to get reestablished. It’s a risk issue. Anyone can sue for anything. There’s always someone out there who is going to take her case. It’s the cost of a potential loss and the cost of legal fees. So you’re better off settling. You’re really better off having an agreement.”
If someone wants out of his marriage, what should he do?
He should see a divorce lawyer, right away. The first thing we would do is create a binder of all assets and liabilities and all income and the sources of the assets, whether they were separate or community; whether or not there was deferred income, so we would get an understanding of what child support would be and what spousal support would be. Child support is pretty easy, because there’s a computer program that tells you what a judge is going to be looking at. With no children, it’s usually easier, especially if it’s a longer-term marriage, say 12 years [shorter marriages usually pay support for a set amount of time; if it’s longer term, it can go on indefinitely].
If a man is leaving his wife for someone else, does that change anything?
It will change the anger level. It will not change the law. However, if he has given community property to that person, that community property can be clawed back.
Should a man tell his wife that he’s leaving her for someone else?
I would wait to determine whether or not it was necessary to tell her. But I wouldn’t lie to her if she said, “I know there was someone else in your life.” I would be very careful about how I would respond to those questions. He should keep things as calm as possible and not aggravate the situation.
“In my 38-year-marriage, I’ve learned what not to do.”
In addition to wanting to lessen the aggravation, a big concern for most entering a divorce process is limiting their legal bills. What advice could you give someone on how they can keep their costs down?
By being organized. They have to fill out a form of their expenses, and the lawyer needs to back it up. I have had people show up with a grocery bag full of receipts and expected me to figure it out. That just costs a lot of money to unravel. And secondly, by being in communication with your attorney and not being an absent client. It’s impossible to represent an empty chair.
Many of my friends have complained about their divorce attorneys. What are the signs that you aren’t being represented well?
How well your attorney listens to you is number one. I’ve seen lawyers take conference calls while with a client or multitask: Write emails, text, et cetera. It’s very obvious when they have their mind on other things instead of being there for a client. If the attorney is too busy to put the time into their case, then it is time to leave. And it is better to leave sooner than later. Also, many lawyers love to write self-serving inflammatory letters [to the other side]. They do it for control and to create situations that will generate more fees. There are people out there who are just nasty, and they think that’s how the game should be played.
What have you learned as a divorce attorney that you’ve brought into your 38-year marriage?
Well, I’ve learned what not to do. If you can get the point across that I’m not right, necessarily, and you’re not right, necessarily, then we can discuss things and get to the middle and try and work things out so it’s not a burr-under-the-saddle kind of situation. Some of the smallest things can be blown out of proportion and make things uncomfortable.
That is the best guidance Rick gave me. Maybe if more people could simply do a little more to not let marital problems explode, they wouldn’t have to go through all of this costly unpleasantness. Still, I think I’ll take a wide berth of it all and remain unmarried.
The post A Guide to Your Future Divorce appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1550230621) } [3]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(54) "Love Challenge For Couples: Improve Your Relationships" ["link"]=> string(92) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/15/love-challenge-for-couples-improve-your-relationships/" ["comments"]=> string(101) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/15/love-challenge-for-couples-improve-your-relationships/#comments" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Fri, 15 Feb 2019 11:13:22 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(53) "Dating Issuesadvicechallengelifetipsloverelationships" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=1596" ["description"]=> string(605) "Day 1: Envision your future. One of the best conversations I’ve ever had my wife started like this: “Imagine your ideal life. Now tell me about it.” The idea is, let’s explore how we want to be living five or ten years from now. You could have a number of questions to steer the conversation: […]
The post Love Challenge For Couples: Improve Your Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6297) "Day 1: Envision your future.
One of the best conversations I’ve ever had my wife started like this: “Imagine your ideal life. Now tell me about it.” The idea is, let’s explore how we want to be living five or ten years from now. You could have a number of questions to steer the conversation: Where do we wake up? What does our house look like? What are we doing for work? What is it about the work we enjoy? How much do we earn? Who are our friends? What kind of things do we do for fun? This allows you get the inside track on the outcomes your partner wants for her life. It gives you an invaluable insight into the person, and she’ll be really receptive toward being asked in a way she hasn’t been asked before. She’ll more than likely ask the same questions back, and you can see where your ultimate goals are and aren’t aligned. It may sound all business, but it’s important.
Day 2: Do goals worksheets together.
To paraphrase Woody Allen , relationships are like sharks— they have to keep moving or they die. Going somewhere within a relationship is important: You should have goals to achieve together and separately. Those benchmarks don’t have to align, but they should be complemetary. (Like, ahem, having kids.) In Day 1, you established your vision. On Day 2, discuss how you’re going to get there. Goals won’t seem so daunting if you divide things into waystations, like Health, Career and Personal. For example: If you want to earn $200,000 in ten years and you earn $50,000 now, what do you need to be earning in five years? Once you have these waystations in place, your path to reaching the destination you discussed in day one will become more clear. Write your goals down and revisit them every six months to check your progress. Being in a successful relationship isn’t about sacrificing your dreams, just making sure they’re harmonious. (And cut yourself some slack: Goals should have a 50% likelihood of not being realized. The idea is to push yourself.)
Day 3: Keep things novel
Today, try a shared experience that neither of you have done before. Women crave novelty, and one reason relationships sink into the doldrums is that couples do the same thing again and again. There’s a lot of science behind adventure dates: Excitement-Transfer Theory (or ETT) holds that when you do something exciting with someone, they transfer their excitement to you. Any guy who’s ever given a girl a ride on the back of his motorcycle benefits from ETT. It doesn’t have to be something dangerous, just some a bit thrilling with perhaps an element of risk. You’re establishing yourself as a source of excitement, even if you just suggested it or are along for the ride. And it works both ways. If you’re in a situation you’ve never in, you’ll see a different side of her personality.
Day 4: Do something selfless.
Gift her something that’s all about her: A massage, a spa treatment, a yoga class pack or something else that’ll make her feel good. I started doing that with my wife recently; being the practical type, she can’t stand spending money frivolously. But when I bought her a salon treatments, she said, “Oh God, I’ve wanted to do this all the time.” She loved it because she wouldn’t have done it for herself, and she didn’t have to do anything but sit back and enjoy it. Do things that show you cherish her, and she’ll feel better about her you. You should want her to feel her the best all the time—your relationship is the best when she’s feeling great.
Day 5: Establish a hierarchy of asks.
Recently, my wife and I had a fight because on a night out, I was grumpy in front of her friends. I was tired and stressed from work and couldn’t perform the way she wanted to. We talked it through and established that we don’t ask each other many things, so when we do ask for something, we should know that it’s significant. Ask her what she wishes you would do (or do differently) or like. Figure out how important that is to her. Figure out where you can change. And make sure the conversation goes both ways.
Day 6: Change your perspective on her idiosyncracies.
I’m a bit of a neat freak, and I used to moan about my wife not being tidy or closing kitchen drawers. Then I learned to appreciate these inconsequential quirks. It’s really being accepting of someone’s core: “Oh well—she’s just not going to be a certain way; Is that a dealbreaker, or is it something I can learn to live with and appreciate?” Another example: My wife is stubborn about socializing. On occasion, it drives me crazy. But I’ve learned to admire that she doesn’t do things out of social obligation. Yet another example: I love to sleep in on the weekend, and she never has. She’s always up early doing things around the house and waking me up to get. On one hand, I’d like to lie in. On the other hand, I admire her spirit and energy for getting things done. Instead of lamenting that I wasn’t getting to sleep in, I started thinking, “Look at my amazing wife, she’s getting things done.” The only thing that changed was my perspective.
Day 7: Honor the part of her that’s sexual.
Too often, sex becomes a perfunctory thing that’s done during commercial breaks. Today, have an honest conversation about desire. Have a conversation that tickles her intellectual G-spot: Who’s her celebrity crush? What does imagine it would be like to meet him? What does she like about him? It’s a harmless conversation that gets her thinking about sexual agency and autonomy in a safe way. Separate your own ego from it. You have desires, and she has desires. Work them out together, and your relationship will only get stronger.
The post Love Challenge For Couples: Improve Your Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(97) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/15/love-challenge-for-couples-improve-your-relationships/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "1" } ["summary"]=> string(605) "Day 1: Envision your future. One of the best conversations I’ve ever had my wife started like this: “Imagine your ideal life. Now tell me about it.” The idea is, let’s explore how we want to be living five or ten years from now. You could have a number of questions to steer the conversation: […]
The post Love Challenge For Couples: Improve Your Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["atom_content"]=> string(6297) "Day 1: Envision your future.
One of the best conversations I’ve ever had my wife started like this: “Imagine your ideal life. Now tell me about it.” The idea is, let’s explore how we want to be living five or ten years from now. You could have a number of questions to steer the conversation: Where do we wake up? What does our house look like? What are we doing for work? What is it about the work we enjoy? How much do we earn? Who are our friends? What kind of things do we do for fun? This allows you get the inside track on the outcomes your partner wants for her life. It gives you an invaluable insight into the person, and she’ll be really receptive toward being asked in a way she hasn’t been asked before. She’ll more than likely ask the same questions back, and you can see where your ultimate goals are and aren’t aligned. It may sound all business, but it’s important.
Day 2: Do goals worksheets together.
To paraphrase Woody Allen , relationships are like sharks— they have to keep moving or they die. Going somewhere within a relationship is important: You should have goals to achieve together and separately. Those benchmarks don’t have to align, but they should be complemetary. (Like, ahem, having kids.) In Day 1, you established your vision. On Day 2, discuss how you’re going to get there. Goals won’t seem so daunting if you divide things into waystations, like Health, Career and Personal. For example: If you want to earn $200,000 in ten years and you earn $50,000 now, what do you need to be earning in five years? Once you have these waystations in place, your path to reaching the destination you discussed in day one will become more clear. Write your goals down and revisit them every six months to check your progress. Being in a successful relationship isn’t about sacrificing your dreams, just making sure they’re harmonious. (And cut yourself some slack: Goals should have a 50% likelihood of not being realized. The idea is to push yourself.)
Day 3: Keep things novel
Today, try a shared experience that neither of you have done before. Women crave novelty, and one reason relationships sink into the doldrums is that couples do the same thing again and again. There’s a lot of science behind adventure dates: Excitement-Transfer Theory (or ETT) holds that when you do something exciting with someone, they transfer their excitement to you. Any guy who’s ever given a girl a ride on the back of his motorcycle benefits from ETT. It doesn’t have to be something dangerous, just some a bit thrilling with perhaps an element of risk. You’re establishing yourself as a source of excitement, even if you just suggested it or are along for the ride. And it works both ways. If you’re in a situation you’ve never in, you’ll see a different side of her personality.
Day 4: Do something selfless.
Gift her something that’s all about her: A massage, a spa treatment, a yoga class pack or something else that’ll make her feel good. I started doing that with my wife recently; being the practical type, she can’t stand spending money frivolously. But when I bought her a salon treatments, she said, “Oh God, I’ve wanted to do this all the time.” She loved it because she wouldn’t have done it for herself, and she didn’t have to do anything but sit back and enjoy it. Do things that show you cherish her, and she’ll feel better about her you. You should want her to feel her the best all the time—your relationship is the best when she’s feeling great.
Day 5: Establish a hierarchy of asks.
Recently, my wife and I had a fight because on a night out, I was grumpy in front of her friends. I was tired and stressed from work and couldn’t perform the way she wanted to. We talked it through and established that we don’t ask each other many things, so when we do ask for something, we should know that it’s significant. Ask her what she wishes you would do (or do differently) or like. Figure out how important that is to her. Figure out where you can change. And make sure the conversation goes both ways.
Day 6: Change your perspective on her idiosyncracies.
I’m a bit of a neat freak, and I used to moan about my wife not being tidy or closing kitchen drawers. Then I learned to appreciate these inconsequential quirks. It’s really being accepting of someone’s core: “Oh well—she’s just not going to be a certain way; Is that a dealbreaker, or is it something I can learn to live with and appreciate?” Another example: My wife is stubborn about socializing. On occasion, it drives me crazy. But I’ve learned to admire that she doesn’t do things out of social obligation. Yet another example: I love to sleep in on the weekend, and she never has. She’s always up early doing things around the house and waking me up to get. On one hand, I’d like to lie in. On the other hand, I admire her spirit and energy for getting things done. Instead of lamenting that I wasn’t getting to sleep in, I started thinking, “Look at my amazing wife, she’s getting things done.” The only thing that changed was my perspective.
Day 7: Honor the part of her that’s sexual.
Too often, sex becomes a perfunctory thing that’s done during commercial breaks. Today, have an honest conversation about desire. Have a conversation that tickles her intellectual G-spot: Who’s her celebrity crush? What does imagine it would be like to meet him? What does she like about him? It’s a harmless conversation that gets her thinking about sexual agency and autonomy in a safe way. Separate your own ego from it. You have desires, and she has desires. Work them out together, and your relationship will only get stronger.
The post Love Challenge For Couples: Improve Your Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1550229202) } [4]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(33) "Fail! The 7 Worst Ways To Propose" ["link"]=> string(71) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/15/fail-the-7-worst-ways-to-propose/" ["comments"]=> string(79) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/15/fail-the-7-worst-ways-to-propose/#respond" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Fri, 15 Feb 2019 10:52:59 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(76) "InterestingLove & SexfailinterestingProposalProposerelationshipsweddingworst" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=1585" ["description"]=> string(548) "Spring is a popular time for guys to get down on one knee. There are plenty of ways to do so — and the guy above seems to have it right—but lots of those ways are, well, bad. So if you are on the verge of popping the question, read through these major proposal don’ts. They’ll […]
The post Fail! The 7 Worst Ways To Propose appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6456) "Spring is a popular time for guys to get down on one knee. There are plenty of ways to do so — and the guy above seems to have it right—but lots of those ways are, well, bad.
So if you are on the verge of popping the question, read through these major proposal don’ts. They’ll help you avoid awkwardness, embarrassment or, at worst, a “no.”
1. Surrounded by complete strangers
A proposal should be between the two people involved. It shouldn’t involve strangers, even as spectators. Something about a high-wattage proposal (say, on the kiss cam at a Bulls game or with the help of a flash mob in Grand Central Station) tells me it’s more about the show you’re putting on than the question you’re popping. Do you feel strongly about spending the rest of your life with your girlfriend, or do you just want to star in YouTube hit? When it comes down to it, you should be able to speak from the heart without a bunch of hoopla speaking for you.
2. In the workplace
I’ve seen proposals done in conference rooms via PowerPoint. I’ve seen a proposal done via an online ad. Work is work. Life is life. Sure, sometimes they mix, but it’s still completely crazy to, for example, make your proposal an advertising pitch because you work in advertising. Add in your coworkers as an audience, and you’ve really crossed the line. That’s not romantic—it’s a to-do list item you completed between conference calls. Your (potential) marriage is part of your personal life, not your professional life—your proposal should be as well.
3. In front of friends and family
I get it. You want to share the happiness of your engagement with those closest to you and your new fiancée. But you can do that after the whole down-on-one-knee part. I can’t stress it enough: a proposal is an intimate, private experience, not one in which you can hear your dad and sister whispering their excitement in the background.
4. Without some second opinions
Someone should be aware that this proposal is coming. It’s a good idea to chat with one of your lady’s close friends or family members ahead of time, for a few reasons. First, if you’re completely off base with this big step, it’s likely a close friend or family member would know. Second, most fathers appreciate a heads up, and she’ll be touched when she finds out you asked for her hand. And third, unless you’re a jewelry expert, you probably need some help picking out the hardware. You don’t want to choose an awful ring that doesn’t suit the love of your life, right?
5. As a complete surprise
This is the real world. An out-of-nowhere, shockingly unexpected proposal is, well, Disney. If you haven’t yet had “the talk”—an honest conversation about what you both want out of the relationship—you really have no business proposing.
6. In or around food
Diamond rings hidden in bread rolls or chocolate cake were popular, oh, ten years ago. Now, it’s just cheesy (no pun intended). You’re better than that, right? Leave the food for eating and think of a classier way to present the jewelry (say, with your hand?).
7. Remotely
Whatever method you choose, you’d better be there—in person—when it happens. That means no “pop in this DVD” video messages, no sky writing while she’s at the beach with friends, no FaceTime, and absolutely no sending the message (or, dear God, the ring) through a friend, family member or pet. If you can’t see each other when you’re popping the question, and if you can’t embrace when she says yes (fingers crossed!), then you’re going about this the wrong way. I don’t care if you’ve already hired a carrier pigeon—you’ve gotta trust me on this one.
The post Fail! The 7 Worst Ways To Propose appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(76) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/15/fail-the-7-worst-ways-to-propose/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(548) "Spring is a popular time for guys to get down on one knee. There are plenty of ways to do so — and the guy above seems to have it right—but lots of those ways are, well, bad. So if you are on the verge of popping the question, read through these major proposal don’ts. They’ll […]
The post Fail! The 7 Worst Ways To Propose appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["atom_content"]=> string(6456) "Spring is a popular time for guys to get down on one knee. There are plenty of ways to do so — and the guy above seems to have it right—but lots of those ways are, well, bad.
So if you are on the verge of popping the question, read through these major proposal don’ts. They’ll help you avoid awkwardness, embarrassment or, at worst, a “no.”
1. Surrounded by complete strangers
A proposal should be between the two people involved. It shouldn’t involve strangers, even as spectators. Something about a high-wattage proposal (say, on the kiss cam at a Bulls game or with the help of a flash mob in Grand Central Station) tells me it’s more about the show you’re putting on than the question you’re popping. Do you feel strongly about spending the rest of your life with your girlfriend, or do you just want to star in YouTube hit? When it comes down to it, you should be able to speak from the heart without a bunch of hoopla speaking for you.
2. In the workplace
I’ve seen proposals done in conference rooms via PowerPoint. I’ve seen a proposal done via an online ad. Work is work. Life is life. Sure, sometimes they mix, but it’s still completely crazy to, for example, make your proposal an advertising pitch because you work in advertising. Add in your coworkers as an audience, and you’ve really crossed the line. That’s not romantic—it’s a to-do list item you completed between conference calls. Your (potential) marriage is part of your personal life, not your professional life—your proposal should be as well.
3. In front of friends and family
I get it. You want to share the happiness of your engagement with those closest to you and your new fiancée. But you can do that after the whole down-on-one-knee part. I can’t stress it enough: a proposal is an intimate, private experience, not one in which you can hear your dad and sister whispering their excitement in the background.
4. Without some second opinions
Someone should be aware that this proposal is coming. It’s a good idea to chat with one of your lady’s close friends or family members ahead of time, for a few reasons. First, if you’re completely off base with this big step, it’s likely a close friend or family member would know. Second, most fathers appreciate a heads up, and she’ll be touched when she finds out you asked for her hand. And third, unless you’re a jewelry expert, you probably need some help picking out the hardware. You don’t want to choose an awful ring that doesn’t suit the love of your life, right?
5. As a complete surprise
This is the real world. An out-of-nowhere, shockingly unexpected proposal is, well, Disney. If you haven’t yet had “the talk”—an honest conversation about what you both want out of the relationship—you really have no business proposing.
6. In or around food
Diamond rings hidden in bread rolls or chocolate cake were popular, oh, ten years ago. Now, it’s just cheesy (no pun intended). You’re better than that, right? Leave the food for eating and think of a classier way to present the jewelry (say, with your hand?).
7. Remotely
Whatever method you choose, you’d better be there—in person—when it happens. That means no “pop in this DVD” video messages, no sky writing while she’s at the beach with friends, no FaceTime, and absolutely no sending the message (or, dear God, the ring) through a friend, family member or pet. If you can’t see each other when you’re popping the question, and if you can’t embrace when she says yes (fingers crossed!), then you’re going about this the wrong way. I don’t care if you’ve already hired a carrier pigeon—you’ve gotta trust me on this one.
The post Fail! The 7 Worst Ways To Propose appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1550227979) } [5]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(36) "Most Common Men’s Fashion Mistakes" ["link"]=> string(72) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/14/most-common-mens-fashion-mistakes/" ["comments"]=> string(80) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/14/most-common-mens-fashion-mistakes/#respond" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 14 Feb 2019 12:44:18 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(48) "Interestingbootsdenimfashionjacketsjeansmistakes" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=1556" ["description"]=> string(589) "There are certain things that cause even the most earthy and understanding of women to cringe and these things have to do, of course, with what you’re wearing. It’s not that women care only about what’s covering you up, but some items of mismatched clothing can so horribly distract a woman that she is incapable […]
The post Most Common Men’s Fashion Mistakes appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(7866) "There are certain things that cause even the most earthy and understanding of women to cringe and these things have to do, of course, with what you’re wearing. It’s not that women care only about what’s covering you up, but some items of mismatched clothing can so horribly distract a woman that she is incapable of further checking you out (and making it further into your bedroom). To avoid unknowingly ruining your chances with an unsuspecting stranger, be sure to avoid the fashion faux pas listed below.
Socks and Tevas
Oh, goodness, this fashion F-up is legendary. When a woman looks down to survey the length of your limbs and sees, instead, the terrifying image of Teva sandals strapped over lumpy socks, she will barely be able to breathe. Unless you are taking the trash out or picking the newspaper off your front lawn clad in a bathrobe and bed head, please wear regular shoes.
Keeping Your Nose Clean
Upkeep of facial hair is no easy task for men and most women are fairly lenient in their evaluation of such regions. However, to have excess hair hanging out of your nostrils, because you’ve forgotten to clip them this week or simply because you don’t own a pair of small scissors, is inexcusable. Any woman interested in talking to you will be incapable of focusing on your features, preoccupied with the dangling fuzz of your nose. For the unenviable task of nose foliage maintainance, try the Phillips Body Groomer.
Denim on Denim
Bruce Springsteen may have made you think that Levi jeans and Levi jackets are splendid soul mates, but he couldn’t have been more incorrect. Denim on denim is a lost cause. If the denims match perfectly, you look like an urban cowboy (i.e. male prostitute). And if the denims are mismatched you look like the 90’s. Enough said. Don’t do it, unless you can do this:
Animal Accented Cowboy Boots
Lately, cowboy boots have come back to the fashion scene and this is highly unfortunate 
for anyone who likes to get laid (unless you’re some super hip, super famous Elvis of sorts). Snakeskin cowboy boots with rivets and silver heels only make you look like a strangely displaced, Southern imitator (and a poor one at that). We understand that the small heel is a plus for those of us who want to slightly cheat our height, but we recommend any assortment of wingtips and various heeled boots instead. Besides, the echo of clicking soles everywhere you walk is not only inconvenient, but extremely aggravating.
Mismatched Seasonal Attire
If you’ve neglected to sort out your closet and compress your summer clothes into storage, you may end up violating some basic rules concerning fabric. For example, wearing a linen shirt with a short pea coat makes about as much sense as booty shorts and Ugg boots. Furthermore, it looks plain weird. Summer shirts of thin material should not be paired with those of heavier Fall fashion, however well the colors may match in your mirror.
Knowing Your Color Wheel
Adding a splash of color to an otherwise plain wardrobe is admirable, so long as you do it subtly. This means not pairing your navy blue, pinstriped suspenders with your dark green shirt. Instead, wear solid pieces with slight accents of color – a tie, two-toned jacket or pair of sneakers. Vibrant colors combined lose their specialness and, moreover, lose you ladies.
Mom Jeans
For the love of god, it’s 2019 and please wear jeans that sit on your hips. Unless you’re invested in a retro look of high waisted, hipster-ish, slimming pants paired with a belt or suspenders, your belt holes should be near your hip bones. Otherwise, jeans hiked up to just below your belly button encourage women to believe you’re probably an out-of-touch, very married man or and out-of-touch, very unmarried man (i.e. no man they plan on making out with).
T-Shirts With Stupid Slogans
Having flair on the front of your shirt is only a fun thing to stare at when the design does not contain phrases concerning gay jokes, women jokes and jokes about how good-looking, funny and smart you are. This is one of the primary deterrents for modern women, who would prefer to vomit rather than see one more shirt that says something condescending in a less than clever, not so witty way.
A Lesson In Length
Shirts that nearly reach your knees or that never reach past your belly are both hazards to a healthy dating life. Similarly, blazers whose sleeves are much too long or much too short can obstruct an ensemble and make you look like an overgrown child in stolen clothes. If you have a beloved blazer with sleeves too short, simply wear a cuffed shirt beneath it and create a make-shift model look. It’s not so important that the sleeve itself reaches your wrist, but more that you don’t have a large area of exposed flesh awkwardly appearing without reason.
Poorly Fitted Leather
Leather is a tricky thing when it comes to clothes. Leather pants are almost never okay, unless you’re on a stage doing something quite spectacular. Leather jackets have the potential to be alarmingly attractive and bad ass, but you must pick wisely. Most leather jackets are wide in the shoulders, which is intentional, but buying a vintage jacket a few sizes too large will only confuse onlookers by the bulkiness of your arms compared to the size of your neck. If you don’t ride a motorcycle, avoid wearing any leather that doesn’t fit snugly the natural form of your upper body. NOTE: If you ever find yourself accidentally violating this rule in the midst of meeting someone new, lie and pretend that you do ride a motorcycle. It can fix almost anything.
The post Most Common Men’s Fashion Mistakes appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(77) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/14/most-common-mens-fashion-mistakes/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(589) "There are certain things that cause even the most earthy and understanding of women to cringe and these things have to do, of course, with what you’re wearing. It’s not that women care only about what’s covering you up, but some items of mismatched clothing can so horribly distract a woman that she is incapable […]
The post Most Common Men’s Fashion Mistakes appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["atom_content"]=> string(7866) "There are certain things that cause even the most earthy and understanding of women to cringe and these things have to do, of course, with what you’re wearing. It’s not that women care only about what’s covering you up, but some items of mismatched clothing can so horribly distract a woman that she is incapable of further checking you out (and making it further into your bedroom). To avoid unknowingly ruining your chances with an unsuspecting stranger, be sure to avoid the fashion faux pas listed below.
Socks and Tevas
Oh, goodness, this fashion F-up is legendary. When a woman looks down to survey the length of your limbs and sees, instead, the terrifying image of Teva sandals strapped over lumpy socks, she will barely be able to breathe. Unless you are taking the trash out or picking the newspaper off your front lawn clad in a bathrobe and bed head, please wear regular shoes.
Keeping Your Nose Clean
Upkeep of facial hair is no easy task for men and most women are fairly lenient in their evaluation of such regions. However, to have excess hair hanging out of your nostrils, because you’ve forgotten to clip them this week or simply because you don’t own a pair of small scissors, is inexcusable. Any woman interested in talking to you will be incapable of focusing on your features, preoccupied with the dangling fuzz of your nose. For the unenviable task of nose foliage maintainance, try the Phillips Body Groomer.
Denim on Denim
Bruce Springsteen may have made you think that Levi jeans and Levi jackets are splendid soul mates, but he couldn’t have been more incorrect. Denim on denim is a lost cause. If the denims match perfectly, you look like an urban cowboy (i.e. male prostitute). And if the denims are mismatched you look like the 90’s. Enough said. Don’t do it, unless you can do this:
Animal Accented Cowboy Boots
Lately, cowboy boots have come back to the fashion scene and this is highly unfortunate for anyone who likes to get laid (unless you’re some super hip, super famous Elvis of sorts). Snakeskin cowboy boots with rivets and silver heels only make you look like a strangely displaced, Southern imitator (and a poor one at that). We understand that the small heel is a plus for those of us who want to slightly cheat our height, but we recommend any assortment of wingtips and various heeled boots instead. Besides, the echo of clicking soles everywhere you walk is not only inconvenient, but extremely aggravating.
Mismatched Seasonal Attire
If you’ve neglected to sort out your closet and compress your summer clothes into storage, you may end up violating some basic rules concerning fabric. For example, wearing a linen shirt with a short pea coat makes about as much sense as booty shorts and Ugg boots. Furthermore, it looks plain weird. Summer shirts of thin material should not be paired with those of heavier Fall fashion, however well the colors may match in your mirror.
Knowing Your Color Wheel
Adding a splash of color to an otherwise plain wardrobe is admirable, so long as you do it subtly. This means not pairing your navy blue, pinstriped suspenders with your dark green shirt. Instead, wear solid pieces with slight accents of color – a tie, two-toned jacket or pair of sneakers. Vibrant colors combined lose their specialness and, moreover, lose you ladies.
Mom Jeans
For the love of god, it’s 2019 and please wear jeans that sit on your hips. Unless you’re invested in a retro look of high waisted, hipster-ish, slimming pants paired with a belt or suspenders, your belt holes should be near your hip bones. Otherwise, jeans hiked up to just below your belly button encourage women to believe you’re probably an out-of-touch, very married man or and out-of-touch, very unmarried man (i.e. no man they plan on making out with).
T-Shirts With Stupid Slogans
Having flair on the front of your shirt is only a fun thing to stare at when the design does not contain phrases concerning gay jokes, women jokes and jokes about how good-looking, funny and smart you are. This is one of the primary deterrents for modern women, who would prefer to vomit rather than see one more shirt that says something condescending in a less than clever, not so witty way.
A Lesson In Length
Shirts that nearly reach your knees or that never reach past your belly are both hazards to a healthy dating life. Similarly, blazers whose sleeves are much too long or much too short can obstruct an ensemble and make you look like an overgrown child in stolen clothes. If you have a beloved blazer with sleeves too short, simply wear a cuffed shirt beneath it and create a make-shift model look. It’s not so important that the sleeve itself reaches your wrist, but more that you don’t have a large area of exposed flesh awkwardly appearing without reason.
Poorly Fitted Leather
Leather is a tricky thing when it comes to clothes. Leather pants are almost never okay, unless you’re on a stage doing something quite spectacular. Leather jackets have the potential to be alarmingly attractive and bad ass, but you must pick wisely. Most leather jackets are wide in the shoulders, which is intentional, but buying a vintage jacket a few sizes too large will only confuse onlookers by the bulkiness of your arms compared to the size of your neck. If you don’t ride a motorcycle, avoid wearing any leather that doesn’t fit snugly the natural form of your upper body. NOTE: If you ever find yourself accidentally violating this rule in the midst of meeting someone new, lie and pretend that you do ride a motorcycle. It can fix almost anything.
The post Most Common Men’s Fashion Mistakes appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1550148258) } [6]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(26) "The Problem With Short Men" ["link"]=> string(65) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/14/the-problem-with-short-men/" ["comments"]=> string(73) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/02/14/the-problem-with-short-men/#respond" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 14 Feb 2019 12:00:59 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(43) "Dating Adviceadvicemenproblemsrelationships" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=1543" ["description"]=> string(554) "For thousands of years, size really did matter. The bigger men were, the more likely they were to have had better nutrition and therefore have better hunting skills. But we came out of the caves ages ago, so why are women still seemingly programmed to pursue men who are taller rather than, say, guys who […]
The post The Problem With Short Men appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.
" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5879) "For thousands of years, size really did matter. The bigger men were, the more likely they were to have had better nutrition and therefore have better hunting skills.
But we came out of the caves ages ago, so why are women still seemingly programmed to pursue men who are taller rather than, say, guys who are closer to their own height?
According to 157 women, a short man is a man who is 5′7″ or shorter. Men who stand 5′8″ to 5′11″ are considered average, and anything 6′ and above constitutes tall.
So what is it about short men that makes women opt for instant rejection? Why are women so hell-bent on finding a tall man when most women don’t usually get much taller than 5′5″?
Howard Goldberg, the Montreal-based writer/director of S&M: Short and Male, who himself stands at 5′3½” without his lifts (5′5″ with), says, “It’s natural for a man to feel inadequate if he’s shorter than the woman. Or for the woman to feel as if she’s going out with a child if the man is shorter than she is.” Ouch!
The filmmaker admits that he ended becoming friends with a lot of women whom he had a romantic interest in simply because of his stature.
And he’s not alone. I recall watching some reality dating show where the woman rejected a perfectly wonderful man simply because he was short. And she told the camera when she was alone that she and her friends made a pact that none of them would ever reproduce with short men.
When asked what the deal is with why women, who stood no taller than 5’5” themselves, wouldn’t date shorter men, here were the most popular answers:
Perhaps you’re proud of your six-pack abs and want the world to see how hard you’ve worked to get them, but the truth is that no one respects any online dater who’s half-naked in their photo.
While it’s great that you’re popular, and perhaps you just think you look great in a particular picture with all your friends, your online dating photo and profile are all about you.
There’s nothing more irritating than webcam shots of people being used as their online dating photo. Not only is it never clear, it usually is taken at a terrible angle and isn’t flattering.